Don't get me wrong, the storyline is great...if I do say so myself. That's not the problem. I don't know what the problem is. If I knew what the problem is, I could fix it.
All right, I told a lie; I do know what the problem is. I am defying my natural way to write, the way that it has always come to me, the way that really shouldn't be the "best" way, but which suits me the best. I write best when I just write on...with no thought of where the story is going (or at least not much of one), with no outline to fill in. Just writing. Usually, I get a flash, or a direction that the story is going and I just follow it, like getting a glimmer through the trees and following this will-o-the-wisp through the forest.
I haven't been doing that. I should know better.
But there is more than that this time. I feel stuck. Like I'm not connecting with something.
So, today, at church our pastor cleared it up for me. At least, I think he did. He preached a whale of a sermon. And I talked to God about it on the way home. I don't know what happened, I don't know what it did, but it got me back.
Connected.
Whoo-whee! I have got to be connected with the Lord! And not just some out-there, whatever-His-name-is Lord. I have got to be connected, joined-at-the-hip to Jesus or my writing is just not right! And the strange thing is, I haven't felt DISconnected from Him at all.
But, on the way home from church, I told Him right out loud: "Daddy, I don't want to make You mad. And not because I'm scared of You, but just because I don't want to make You mad by anything I do. And I know I have, cause everybody does. But, if I have about something that I don't know about, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, cause I just love You, not because I'm afraid of what You could do to me. I just love you, Lord."
Not much, I know. But there I go, driving down Oakey Mountain Road, crying my eyes out because I might have made Jesus mad. And I felt something shift around, clean out, clear up.
I connected again.
Just had to tell you. Just had to let you know. Thanks, Pastor Brion....you got me!
Can I write better now? We'll see. I'm not feeling stuck now, so maybe so.
Anyway, Sunday church was good today, y'all!